“Salad Undressing”, Intermittent Short Fiction by Gitabushi

  • by Gitabushi

Originally done live on Twitter. I came up with the idea, a few tweets in the middle, and an ending, and then just went with it.  I kinda like Twitter for short fiction.  Dividing ideas up into individual tweets certainly paces the unfolding of information, and it can be used to good effect, I think.  But I’m not sure if it works as well out of Twitter.  I’ve added the breaks to try to give that same feel.  Without further ado:

 

I finally developed my Mutant Superpower.

After reading the X-Men comic books, and Spider Man, and the Fantastic Four, I had yearned for my mutant awakening.

Something to confirm my uniqueness in the world, something to justify my sense of isolation.

The day has finally arrived. The moment I’ve longed for and dreamt of for so long is finally here.

Unfortunately, my superpower is the ability to put just the right amount of vinegar-based salad dressing onto a salad so that there is enough flavor while eating, but isn’t a pool of dressing at the bottom when you are finished.

man holding clear glass bottle
Photo by Peter Fazekas on Pexels.com

When my parents found out, they threw me out of the basement. I lost my job. I was shunned. My friends laughed at me, but I could see the terror, lurking in their eyes, behind the rictus of mocking smiles.

My dream had manifested, but at what price?

I struggled. I tried to find other, more socially-acceptable applications of this superpowered curse. I tried to match the right amount of chips to salsa. I tried to make sure you finished the shrimp with the last bit of cocktail sauce.

No luck.

I was undone.

Rejected by society, I wandered the streets accompanied by the jeers of the unsympathetic. They threw rocks. Tomatoes. Radishes. Lettuce.

And even bottles of salad dressing.

But never vinaigrette. Never vinaigrette.

I bottomed out. I considered suicide. I turned to distractions, trying desperately to find acceptance among society’s dregs, like Live Action Role Playing groups.

I finally realized that as my life has become hell, I should embrace it. I sought out pain, and frustration, and foul smells, and risked collision, fire, and asphyxiation.

I rode the DC Metro.

They say life is always darkest before the dawn.

The DC Metro never sees the sunrise.

But in this thick blanket of darkness, among this miasma of urine, amid the non-functional escalators, I have found hope.

A help wanted ad.

…for Summer’s Eve.

The End

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3 thoughts on ““Salad Undressing”, Intermittent Short Fiction by Gitabushi

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